Multi-tasking

If you think reading this electronic rag is tough, you ought to try writing it. A daily deadline is too tough for anyone not on booze; fortunately, I have an ample supply of Busch Beer which sustains me and its rhyming name (really it’s a homophone) reminds me of why I’m cranky.

When I started this blog on September 8, I had no idea that we would be in a financial meltdown within days. Of course, we all knew that there were problems. We’d passed through a gauntlet of multiple popping bubbles and were kind of homed in on the mortgage problems. Housing prices were down, some – in few places, substantially – in many, and greatly – in more places than we care to contemplate. But things seemed controllable.

Then came the Hank (Paulson) and Ben (Bernanke) show and they had the inside skinny on how the country was racing into situation that could turn into the worst meltdown since the Great Depression. (Any financial crisis that demands that we label it in capital letters after three fourths of a century must have been bad.) As I remember that period quite well, take my word for it, it was very bad indeed.

Loyal servants that they are, Hank and Ben stood behind the great one, the president of the United States - whatever his name is, and told him to say that we were in deep, deep financial manure, and he did, not that anyone still remembered his name. They quickly added that he should demand that the Congress solve this problem by Friday, and he did. Not that they cared what he thought, Congressional leaders believed the stage whispers of Hank and Ben, and proceeded to hammer out a deal.

Meanwhile back in Oz, John McCain’s advisers alerted him that the financial system was melting down, that he was going to lose election as he represented the party associated with the fiasco if he didn’t do something fast and suggested that he avoid the debate on Friday by suspending the electoral race and acting presidential. Startled from his nap, the old boy jumped to attention and blew off the David Letterman’s show – but not Katie Couric’s - and said that he was in charge and would not debate or campaign until the problem was solved.

His opponent, Barack Obama, indicated that he, too was concerned about the financial crisis that John had contributed to in a big way and would gladly return to Washington should he be needed – although the Hank and Ben show had seemingly sufficiently caught the attention of the Congress that was well on its way to dealing with the problem.

Barack added that the debate in Mississippi should go on as scheduled since presidents should be able to solve problems and explain them to the people in bad times; `multi-tasking’ was the term he used to John who seemed genuinely confused by it. Barack explained to John that some of our presidents, especially the great ones, had proved able to `multi-task’ in times of national crises.

Not that you, dear reader, need reminding that some of our greatest chief executives were quite good at ‘multi-tasking’, many friends in the mainstream media, including The Guardian, pointed out that Abraham Lincoln was able to run for president and deal with the greatest Constitutional crisis in history in 1860 and to run again in 1864 as the Civil War raged.

Barack, if not John, was also aware that Franklin Roosevelt was able to actively campaign for president even as the – truly – greatest financial and economic crisis in the nation’s history almost ruined the capitalist system and caused fear – “…nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror…” - throughout the land. He also knew that while the Nazis prepared for world conquest and, indeed, as they waged the most terrible war in human history, FDR felt quite up to running for president in 1940 and 1944.

While John McCain seemed unable to both run for office and contribute to the solution of our present problems, Barack Obama was. And while no one – certainly not an old b.ser like me – would suggest that John McCain was afraid to face the music in Mississippi, there were the cruel among us who immediately thought that John McCain was afraid to debate – as he had long agreed.

Meanwhile back in Washington, that evil place where republicans get hives on entering the city, Hank and Ben had already agreed with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd on the outline of a plan to rescue the financial system, Barack and John were summoned to the Oval Office to meet with you know who to bless a plan that had already been worked out so that John could say that he made it all happen – much like he had invented the Blackberry.

Clearly, John McCain's resurrection of Al Haig's "I'm in charge" act has laid an egg, so it’s unlikely that he can show his face in Mississippi tonight. The rush to Washington, like Haig's before him, has probably sunk the Straight Talk Express. This looks bad for John’s being able to `multi-task and to answer that 3:00 AM phone call.

Of only one thing am I certain - but won't be able to prove, the president, old what's his name, will be voting for Obama on November 4. Mr. X must absolutely despise McCain who once again has made him look like the moron we suspect him of being.

And I ain’t b.s.n’ ya.