The **** plan to save us

Republicans are so afraid to run on the party brand name that they’ve taken to putting themselves forward as representatives of the G.O.P. As the sea of mortgages, derivatives and stocks reaches their nostrils, they proclaim that they are all mavericks who never really bought into the policies of the **** Administration, a group that never really was republican but that usurped the elephant logo and is now stuck with it. So the newly minted G.O.P., Gagging On Paper, boys and girls are demanding that they be allowed to run on the new title for the fetid old product.

It’s not so bad that these weasels are running from their roots, the sad part is that lots of morons think it’s a great idea. “The voters won’t know the difference, and half of us will get elected.” What’s frightening is that they might be right.

To get back on track, John McCain doesn’t have the luxury of demanding a new label on the nation’s ballots. I’m sure they tossed it around, but its’ just too late to make it happen, so he’s stuck with the next best thing: he’s a republican who never left a fingerprint on any policy that might look bad today. Maybe he could say that the ninety plus percent of the time that he was caught voting with **** was actually an exercise in bi-partisanship. Maybe they could dress up **** as a pig and put a little lipstick on him and call him a uniter. On the other hand, that one was probably rejected early on in the crisis.

The folks I pity are the House republicans. They’re caught with voting for every key **** Administration proposal for the war in Iraq, deregulation of the financial system and every controversial aspect of violating the privacy of citizens. Doubling down, their pictures giving standing ovations to **** every time he mentioned WMD and noted the direct connection between Iraq and al Qaeda are being played on home town TV stations in the ads of the democrat opponents.

Now the chickens are coming home to roost and with only thirty-seven days until D-Day. What they’d like to do is trade party labels for just a little over a month, but it’s not to be. **** announced, without understanding, that the financial system is in grave crisis, and his appointees – Hank and Ben – are taking the lead in crafting a solution. That’s great except that the solution is something that could have been dreamed by Karl Marx. They were hoping for one by Groucho that they could support unanimously, but Karl stuck in their collective (Ooh!) craws.

So they decided to rebel and stick with their republican free market principles, and that was that. But that horrible Nancy Pelosi and her card carrying friends in the majority won’t play ball. That meany Nancy says this is a republican caused meltdown, so in the spirit of bi-partisanship, the House republicans and John McCain are going to have to own this rescue plan. So there’s no way out except for republicans and G.O.P. folks but step forward and say that the **** plan is theirs. And if they don’t agree to do it by sundown tonight they’ll have to identify who **** is for the newspapers and TV stations back home. Now that’s mean.

What’s worse, Barack Obama is going pin the donkey’s tail on them and on John McCain and reveal on national TV the identity of ****.

And I ain’t b.s.n’ ya.